Thanks for having the courage to write this. I've been screaming about this for years. ALL my abusers (I'm 60) have been women. Starting with my BPD mom. They're rewarded for this behavior, by other women mostly, who confuse empowerment for psychosis. Women have been brainwashed by a braindead feminism that actually hates women and pits them against men--it's not going well for women mostly. Men are just walking away. You're not allowed to say any of this, of course.
I am so sorry you experienced this. Was your mom (like mine) the outwardly charming person whom everyone adored—so if you told them how badly she treated you, they would call you ungrateful? The children of many such people are coming out of the woodwork. Again, I am sorry—not that that really helps you.
Thank you. She was in a way yes. The public angel private demon phenomenon. My ex (another version of my mom) was the definition of a PAPD. She was NPD with borderline traits.
So sorry you went through all that hell… Glad you made it out alive. The Pepsi-Cola man that crazy Crawford was married to didn’t make it out alive… I remember watching an old Donahue episode where Christina Crawford was talking about the death of that poor man. The story that was told to the world by Joan Crawford and the police was that he had had a heart attack and fallen down the stairs. Christina Crawford looked Phil Donahue in the eye and said, “There was NOTHING wrong with him!”
Buddy of mine who worked in the psychiatric field for years told me one time that female borderlines are some of the most dangerous psychiatric patients in existence.
Again, glad you made it out alive, but my heart goes out to you that you went through all that hell… It seems that there’s more awareness around their bad behaviours and bad traits… But I’ve noticed that the psych field keeps changing the names… It was BPD, then emotional dysregulation disorder. Judith Hermann (sp?) is petitioning for it to be called C-PTSD. That’s a huge umbrella that would include a lot of the victims of the BPD creatures themselves… If I remember correctly Judith H. may have been diagnosed with BPD herself… That would make sense then… A BPD creature wanting to cast her nets to include plenty of innocent people who have chronic extreme stress from PTSD under the same heading as the monsters with BPD… And I do think that people with BPD ARE monsters. Again, I’ll have to double check and see if she actually claims to have been diagnosed with BPD… Not entirely certain on that.
I agree with the posters here I’ve noticed that promiscuity and substance abuse tend to be quite telling red flags… Well, they’re just red flags… LOL… But definitely BPD creatures excel in sexual licentiousness and keeping the distilleries in business.
Honey, we’ve always been crazy. Society was simply allowed to keep it in a box through mechanisms such as shame, fear of unwanted pregnancies, being institutionalized, the boot on the neck, etc. You know, consequences.
Of course that didn’t stop the “quiet”, on-the- DL abuses some women heaped on their children (cutting them down nonstop, blaming them for their “problems”, and so on), but for the most part everything functioned and you saw a lot more smiles out in public.
I grew up in the seventies. I remember the typical family structure. You had intact families with abusive fathers. These fathers worked real hard while mom stayed home. Mom cooked, cleaned, and pretty much did what was expected of her or she’d get a good beating.
Then, you had families like mine. Single mom, worked hard, while us kids took care of the house, and did what we wanted. Every now and then abusive dad would show up and terrorize the family.
Only the rich kids had non abusive dads. But, their dads were never home and usually had a mistress on the side.
The fact is there were a lot of abusive men. I know this because I saw it. All my friends I’ve met in live have saw/live it.
The script has totally flipped. I rarely see men abusing women. I see women running their households and the men being grateful to have that. I also see women cheating, running off, stealing men from friends, laying out all night, strait up neglecting their own children.
So, whatever happened in the past is still being used today. Kind of like the civil rights struggle. It’s was all true, but the circumstances are not the same.
Women have more power in the USA than I ever seen in my life, yet they want to be weak kittens and pretend they are being oppressed by the patriarchy. If they are being oppressed, it’s their own damn fault.
My father never laid a hand on my mom. No one I knew growing up lived in an abusive household. I've never hit a woman. None of my brothers hit their wives. I think you're over generalizing to an absurd degree but I don't know why.
Of course, coming from a decent family you and your father and brothers would never hang around families who did behave that way and you wouldn’t have male friends who behaved that way. Sadly, birds of a feather flock together. Good in your case! And I’m certainly glad for that. Alas, I’ve seen it go both ways, I’ve known people who had to live with the abuse and terror from profoundly unhealthy “men,” that the other poster describes, and also I’ve certainly known those who had to live the nightmare under female cruelty.
Yes, bad people do bad things. This has been true throughout time. But Te Reagan said in his comment that the "typical" family in the 70s had a dad that would regularly give the mom "a good beating." I call bs on that because I grew up in the 70s and 80s and I never - and I do mean never - saw that. And statistics back up my personal experience. I didn't come from a great family. We were very poor. My friends didn't have great families. My brother's aren't all great guys. But, again, one thing they DON'T do is hit their wives.
There's this weird thing that leftists do, where every time before "current year" is thought of as the Bad Times. All sorts of evils amd degradation are assumed to have routinely taken place in The Bad Times, before people were enlightened by Oprah and corporate sensitivity training. The older I get, I'm starting to think this is all a cope to make them feel better for the social dysfunction we are living in today.
That is exactly how I grew up… Committing certain acts were unthinkable… It doesn’t mean that a man is a living saint, it just means he’s a decent human being
100% this. It's amazing how people have forgotten (or never experienced) how downright terrifying dads were, as a matter of course, in the 80s and before. They think all these families were just wholesomely smiling and happy all the time and don't remember how actually it was the norm to scatter like cockroaches when Dad came home from work, until you could determine whether he was in a bad mood or not and whether it was safe to come out. Dads are SOOOOOO much nicer now to their families it's an astounding transformation, and almost never commented on or noticed.
Yep. Keyword is “normal.“ I think my experience in social work, and also the stories some of my colleagues, colors my working hypothesis on why a significant portion of the population describes the horrors of a terrifying “father.“ Sadly, those situations absolutely did exist; however, it was heartening to hear from another poster that those situations are not the norm… I sincerely hope so I suspect that Healthy families tend to associate with other Healthy families and unhealthy “adults“ who disrespect their roles and cause harm to women and children are probably ashamed of their behaviors, so they only stick with other rotters and cads.
My grandparents told me that in small towns in the deep south where they grew up, if a “man“ lay around drunk, beat his wife or children, that what would happen was that other local men would pay a late night visit to the bastard who treated his family that way. To quote my grandmother:
“They would drag him out of bed in the middle of the night and tie him to a tree and horse-whip him.”
In those days, that was behavior modification, an anger management course, social workers didn’t have to be hired… No burden to the taxpayer.
That was deliberate. MOthers back then universally declined to be an authority figure and refused to punish kids preferring to be the good one of the household. They were always too weak to do what was needed to be done. It was always "wait until your father gets home". She would dump all the responsibility onto the man, even though she was a stay at home mother who had all day to do the job. She only wanted the good things associated with being a parent
An easy pattern to fall into. No one wants to be the "mean" parent, especially if you don't get to see your kid much. Hell, we argue over who has to give the dog a bath, not from being lazy but because neither of us want the dog to be mad at us and would rather the other one be the mean one.
Though people were also a lot more tolerant of people taking out their bad moods on others, back in the day.
My mom used to harshly discipline me and my siblings. So did my dad for that matter but it was far more often my mom doing the yelling, hitting, grounding, etc. Saw the same in my friend's houses. I know that my anecdotal evidence is just that (anecdotal) but I'd never say that moms "universally" refused to punish their kids.
That sounds like in-house parental alienation… Making dad the bad guy and trying to get the kids to see mommy as the saint. Definitely an unhealthy thing to do.
i remember watching videos of female patients who had hysteria or histrionics / clusterb tendencies as part of a DSM diagnosis manual explanation, and i began to recognize clinical female trauma responses. This is so important since some DSM diagnosises are listed as a male presentation and some like depression as a female presentation. To know mental illness, or in its milder forms, disregulation, you have to study the typical variants for the sex in question, male or female.
I don't know that it is increasing in frequency although the victim mindset IS increasing in frequency - and the two can be related. I can say from experience that for a true Borderline BPD, run as fast you can the other way.
There was a time and place where the wife would sew him up in a sheet and pour cast iron hot skillet of grease on him or tell them the church what he’s done.
Then, they would drag him out of bed in the night, tie him to a tree and horse whip him.
<<These same folksy commentators, who are most often “red-state” coded, many of whom are in fact evangelical pastors, tell men always to be patient and forbearing with the women in their lives, and to treasure the gift of womanhood. This wouldn’t be a bad message in and of itself, except for the fact that these same commentators simultaneously upbraid men for their perceived shortcomings, and urge them to “man up.” They don’t tend to ask women to be patient and forbearing with the men in their lives, and to treasure the gift of manhood; instead, it is far more common the commentators demand that a man show that he himself “worthy” of his wife by bettering himself. >>
IDK mate. My wife goes to church. I don't. Her pastor is always talking about how wives are supposed to support the husband, be a helpmate to him and follow his lead. The wives are supposed to submit to the husband. The husbands are supposed to do what you mentioned above. In her church both sexes have duties are are urged to follow them. Also in her church, women are not allowed to have congregation level leadership roles. It's really traditional
May this note find us all ever closer to God, and His Peace.
I found studies showing that from Blood Bank Database that 1/3 of us are Basterds, the mother is comfortable lying to those she professes love for; husband, lover (real fathers), child or children .. out of 90,000, 30,000 had different father then listed (by blood type matching.) This became hard to find as mind-raping corp Google decided that information might cause fathers ask for blood-test with children - I suppose.
Perhaps hidden because people and society will consider that if 1/3 of women would live a life-destroying lie to all those she professes to love, how much easier or readily would she lie about you, perhaps removing you from work environment, a false-rape accusation if the fun and other profits are high, or for some, any profit (drama).
A study removed from FBI website had something related. A study of police filed Rape-Accusation, and some recanted, that after investigation many we found false, and in court only 20% were found guilty (as much as she-said-he-said proofless can prove guilty.)
So known and loved family member 1/3 would lie to in serious mater, barely known or shortly known, 80% willing to lie about you, life future career family destroying lie.
I ask if you agree with "Islam is right about women" related to these measure trustworthiness of avg women, the 1/3 of man's testimony seem too large? Perhaps 1/10th value?
Can society keep track of last 5-years of Parental Fraud and false-rape accusations, and generate a value of women's virtue from them?
i think if we are to have a free society we need the truth on female ego issues not just repression of male ego issues. To have anything less is a miscarriage of justice and the american way.
One would be silly to expect a drug-addicted party girl to become a good wife.
The trouble today is that seemingly "nice" girls often eventually reveal themselves to have BPD traits. That phenomenon is the inspiration for this series of essays.
Looking back on my life, I think you found a VERY good heuristic. The best women I've had in my life drank very little and did little or no drugs ever - even caffeine was sporadic. The worst women drank a lot or smoked a lot of weed (I've avoided the serious addicts entirely).
Two exceptions come to mind but both are very weird (extremely high IQs, extremely mentally ill but nothing like BPD).
No kidding. My last ex was more NPD than BPD, but was a raging violent drunk who assaulted me, destroyed thousands of dollars of my property—restraining orders were useless. She’s under court order now to leave me the fuck alone and she still stalks me. And yet… So, I keep to myself. I’ve written quite a bit about this here on SS.
Thank you for your kindness. No kids. Yeah. We were friends for a year while she groomed me. Then covid hit, I was at a very low point, boozing, low self esteem, lonely, isolated--she struck then. I put up with it for a year. I take responsibility for my role. I signed on for it. ALL the red flags were there. I haven't been on a date or had sex in almost three years. I decided to get sober and focus on why I attract the same woman over and over--all versions of my toxic mothers. Also, and I think this is important, I am autistic. Narcissists and other abusers are drawn to us--we are literal and believe their lies.
Thanks for having the courage to write this. I've been screaming about this for years. ALL my abusers (I'm 60) have been women. Starting with my BPD mom. They're rewarded for this behavior, by other women mostly, who confuse empowerment for psychosis. Women have been brainwashed by a braindead feminism that actually hates women and pits them against men--it's not going well for women mostly. Men are just walking away. You're not allowed to say any of this, of course.
I am so sorry you experienced this. Was your mom (like mine) the outwardly charming person whom everyone adored—so if you told them how badly she treated you, they would call you ungrateful? The children of many such people are coming out of the woodwork. Again, I am sorry—not that that really helps you.
Thank you. She was in a way yes. The public angel private demon phenomenon. My ex (another version of my mom) was the definition of a PAPD. She was NPD with borderline traits.
BPD = “The Joan Crawford Disease.”
So sorry you went through all that hell… Glad you made it out alive. The Pepsi-Cola man that crazy Crawford was married to didn’t make it out alive… I remember watching an old Donahue episode where Christina Crawford was talking about the death of that poor man. The story that was told to the world by Joan Crawford and the police was that he had had a heart attack and fallen down the stairs. Christina Crawford looked Phil Donahue in the eye and said, “There was NOTHING wrong with him!”
Buddy of mine who worked in the psychiatric field for years told me one time that female borderlines are some of the most dangerous psychiatric patients in existence.
Again, glad you made it out alive, but my heart goes out to you that you went through all that hell… It seems that there’s more awareness around their bad behaviours and bad traits… But I’ve noticed that the psych field keeps changing the names… It was BPD, then emotional dysregulation disorder. Judith Hermann (sp?) is petitioning for it to be called C-PTSD. That’s a huge umbrella that would include a lot of the victims of the BPD creatures themselves… If I remember correctly Judith H. may have been diagnosed with BPD herself… That would make sense then… A BPD creature wanting to cast her nets to include plenty of innocent people who have chronic extreme stress from PTSD under the same heading as the monsters with BPD… And I do think that people with BPD ARE monsters. Again, I’ll have to double check and see if she actually claims to have been diagnosed with BPD… Not entirely certain on that.
I agree with the posters here I’ve noticed that promiscuity and substance abuse tend to be quite telling red flags… Well, they’re just red flags… LOL… But definitely BPD creatures excel in sexual licentiousness and keeping the distilleries in business.
Stay safe, folks! It’s a jungle out there.
Honey, we’ve always been crazy. Society was simply allowed to keep it in a box through mechanisms such as shame, fear of unwanted pregnancies, being institutionalized, the boot on the neck, etc. You know, consequences.
Of course that didn’t stop the “quiet”, on-the- DL abuses some women heaped on their children (cutting them down nonstop, blaming them for their “problems”, and so on), but for the most part everything functioned and you saw a lot more smiles out in public.
I don’t know 🤷♀️
I grew up in the seventies. I remember the typical family structure. You had intact families with abusive fathers. These fathers worked real hard while mom stayed home. Mom cooked, cleaned, and pretty much did what was expected of her or she’d get a good beating.
Then, you had families like mine. Single mom, worked hard, while us kids took care of the house, and did what we wanted. Every now and then abusive dad would show up and terrorize the family.
Only the rich kids had non abusive dads. But, their dads were never home and usually had a mistress on the side.
The fact is there were a lot of abusive men. I know this because I saw it. All my friends I’ve met in live have saw/live it.
The script has totally flipped. I rarely see men abusing women. I see women running their households and the men being grateful to have that. I also see women cheating, running off, stealing men from friends, laying out all night, strait up neglecting their own children.
So, whatever happened in the past is still being used today. Kind of like the civil rights struggle. It’s was all true, but the circumstances are not the same.
Women have more power in the USA than I ever seen in my life, yet they want to be weak kittens and pretend they are being oppressed by the patriarchy. If they are being oppressed, it’s their own damn fault.
Single moms raising soy boys is the problem!
My father never laid a hand on my mom. No one I knew growing up lived in an abusive household. I've never hit a woman. None of my brothers hit their wives. I think you're over generalizing to an absurd degree but I don't know why.
Agree, that's my experience growing up in the 60's. Well-off suburban neighborhood though, the author mentions that.
Of course, coming from a decent family you and your father and brothers would never hang around families who did behave that way and you wouldn’t have male friends who behaved that way. Sadly, birds of a feather flock together. Good in your case! And I’m certainly glad for that. Alas, I’ve seen it go both ways, I’ve known people who had to live with the abuse and terror from profoundly unhealthy “men,” that the other poster describes, and also I’ve certainly known those who had to live the nightmare under female cruelty.
Yes, bad people do bad things. This has been true throughout time. But Te Reagan said in his comment that the "typical" family in the 70s had a dad that would regularly give the mom "a good beating." I call bs on that because I grew up in the 70s and 80s and I never - and I do mean never - saw that. And statistics back up my personal experience. I didn't come from a great family. We were very poor. My friends didn't have great families. My brother's aren't all great guys. But, again, one thing they DON'T do is hit their wives.
There's this weird thing that leftists do, where every time before "current year" is thought of as the Bad Times. All sorts of evils amd degradation are assumed to have routinely taken place in The Bad Times, before people were enlightened by Oprah and corporate sensitivity training. The older I get, I'm starting to think this is all a cope to make them feel better for the social dysfunction we are living in today.
Thanks for your response! Very glad you grew up in an environment where garbage behaviour didn’t go on… Be well!
That is exactly how I grew up… Committing certain acts were unthinkable… It doesn’t mean that a man is a living saint, it just means he’s a decent human being
100% this. It's amazing how people have forgotten (or never experienced) how downright terrifying dads were, as a matter of course, in the 80s and before. They think all these families were just wholesomely smiling and happy all the time and don't remember how actually it was the norm to scatter like cockroaches when Dad came home from work, until you could determine whether he was in a bad mood or not and whether it was safe to come out. Dads are SOOOOOO much nicer now to their families it's an astounding transformation, and almost never commented on or noticed.
I don't think that normal dads were terrifying.
Yep. Keyword is “normal.“ I think my experience in social work, and also the stories some of my colleagues, colors my working hypothesis on why a significant portion of the population describes the horrors of a terrifying “father.“ Sadly, those situations absolutely did exist; however, it was heartening to hear from another poster that those situations are not the norm… I sincerely hope so I suspect that Healthy families tend to associate with other Healthy families and unhealthy “adults“ who disrespect their roles and cause harm to women and children are probably ashamed of their behaviors, so they only stick with other rotters and cads.
My grandparents told me that in small towns in the deep south where they grew up, if a “man“ lay around drunk, beat his wife or children, that what would happen was that other local men would pay a late night visit to the bastard who treated his family that way. To quote my grandmother:
“They would drag him out of bed in the middle of the night and tie him to a tree and horse-whip him.”
In those days, that was behavior modification, an anger management course, social workers didn’t have to be hired… No burden to the taxpayer.
That was deliberate. MOthers back then universally declined to be an authority figure and refused to punish kids preferring to be the good one of the household. They were always too weak to do what was needed to be done. It was always "wait until your father gets home". She would dump all the responsibility onto the man, even though she was a stay at home mother who had all day to do the job. She only wanted the good things associated with being a parent
An easy pattern to fall into. No one wants to be the "mean" parent, especially if you don't get to see your kid much. Hell, we argue over who has to give the dog a bath, not from being lazy but because neither of us want the dog to be mad at us and would rather the other one be the mean one.
Though people were also a lot more tolerant of people taking out their bad moods on others, back in the day.
My mom used to harshly discipline me and my siblings. So did my dad for that matter but it was far more often my mom doing the yelling, hitting, grounding, etc. Saw the same in my friend's houses. I know that my anecdotal evidence is just that (anecdotal) but I'd never say that moms "universally" refused to punish their kids.
That sounds like in-house parental alienation… Making dad the bad guy and trying to get the kids to see mommy as the saint. Definitely an unhealthy thing to do.
Simping is simping, brvh.
Reason? College and university brainwashing. Three generations of Kollontais: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexandra_Kollontai
It's The Jews.
I learned about her from Dr. John Coleman's work
i remember watching videos of female patients who had hysteria or histrionics / clusterb tendencies as part of a DSM diagnosis manual explanation, and i began to recognize clinical female trauma responses. This is so important since some DSM diagnosises are listed as a male presentation and some like depression as a female presentation. To know mental illness, or in its milder forms, disregulation, you have to study the typical variants for the sex in question, male or female.
I don't know that it is increasing in frequency although the victim mindset IS increasing in frequency - and the two can be related. I can say from experience that for a true Borderline BPD, run as fast you can the other way.
I see no evidence that men are “giving up on women” apart from a preponderance of articles on sites like this saying so.
It almost has the aura of previous trends pushed by tptb, for example the mental health crisis, the need to emancipate transgender people.
Solving domestic violence…
There was a time and place where the wife would sew him up in a sheet and pour cast iron hot skillet of grease on him or tell them the church what he’s done.
Then, they would drag him out of bed in the night, tie him to a tree and horse whip him.
Free social work!
<<These same folksy commentators, who are most often “red-state” coded, many of whom are in fact evangelical pastors, tell men always to be patient and forbearing with the women in their lives, and to treasure the gift of womanhood. This wouldn’t be a bad message in and of itself, except for the fact that these same commentators simultaneously upbraid men for their perceived shortcomings, and urge them to “man up.” They don’t tend to ask women to be patient and forbearing with the men in their lives, and to treasure the gift of manhood; instead, it is far more common the commentators demand that a man show that he himself “worthy” of his wife by bettering himself. >>
IDK mate. My wife goes to church. I don't. Her pastor is always talking about how wives are supposed to support the husband, be a helpmate to him and follow his lead. The wives are supposed to submit to the husband. The husbands are supposed to do what you mentioned above. In her church both sexes have duties are are urged to follow them. Also in her church, women are not allowed to have congregation level leadership roles. It's really traditional
The exception doesn't disprove the rule, mate.
May this note find us all ever closer to God, and His Peace.
I found studies showing that from Blood Bank Database that 1/3 of us are Basterds, the mother is comfortable lying to those she professes love for; husband, lover (real fathers), child or children .. out of 90,000, 30,000 had different father then listed (by blood type matching.) This became hard to find as mind-raping corp Google decided that information might cause fathers ask for blood-test with children - I suppose.
Perhaps hidden because people and society will consider that if 1/3 of women would live a life-destroying lie to all those she professes to love, how much easier or readily would she lie about you, perhaps removing you from work environment, a false-rape accusation if the fun and other profits are high, or for some, any profit (drama).
A study removed from FBI website had something related. A study of police filed Rape-Accusation, and some recanted, that after investigation many we found false, and in court only 20% were found guilty (as much as she-said-he-said proofless can prove guilty.)
So known and loved family member 1/3 would lie to in serious mater, barely known or shortly known, 80% willing to lie about you, life future career family destroying lie.
I ask if you agree with "Islam is right about women" related to these measure trustworthiness of avg women, the 1/3 of man's testimony seem too large? Perhaps 1/10th value?
Can society keep track of last 5-years of Parental Fraud and false-rape accusations, and generate a value of women's virtue from them?
God Bless., Steve
i think if we are to have a free society we need the truth on female ego issues not just repression of male ego issues. To have anything less is a miscarriage of justice and the american way.
That face they make.
When they have to WAIT - their turn on my new new 🆕🆕🧚❤️🔥 hard candy 🍬sex swing.
One would be silly to expect a drug-addicted party girl to become a good wife.
The trouble today is that seemingly "nice" girls often eventually reveal themselves to have BPD traits. That phenomenon is the inspiration for this series of essays.
Looking back on my life, I think you found a VERY good heuristic. The best women I've had in my life drank very little and did little or no drugs ever - even caffeine was sporadic. The worst women drank a lot or smoked a lot of weed (I've avoided the serious addicts entirely).
Two exceptions come to mind but both are very weird (extremely high IQs, extremely mentally ill but nothing like BPD).
Well said.
No kidding. My last ex was more NPD than BPD, but was a raging violent drunk who assaulted me, destroyed thousands of dollars of my property—restraining orders were useless. She’s under court order now to leave me the fuck alone and she still stalks me. And yet… So, I keep to myself. I’ve written quite a bit about this here on SS.
Thank you for your kindness. No kids. Yeah. We were friends for a year while she groomed me. Then covid hit, I was at a very low point, boozing, low self esteem, lonely, isolated--she struck then. I put up with it for a year. I take responsibility for my role. I signed on for it. ALL the red flags were there. I haven't been on a date or had sex in almost three years. I decided to get sober and focus on why I attract the same woman over and over--all versions of my toxic mothers. Also, and I think this is important, I am autistic. Narcissists and other abusers are drawn to us--we are literal and believe their lies.
Glad to hear that you’re working on yourself to prevent repeats of bad relationships!
Take care of yourself, man.