Manifesting my assassin

For some years now, I have been anticipating getting assassinated.

The scenario has played out as follows: I am taking a walk, going for a jog, lounging in a cafe doing some work, praying in church… doing the sorts of things I do, when he, my assassin, arrives. There is little time for me even to react, or to feel anything, because he acts quite quickly and his aim is true.

His first bullet strikes me in the temple, and my body goes limp and falls, and I lose consciousness. He shoots me several more times after I have fallen, doing his best to ensure that I am dead before running off, presumably to a waiting getaway vehicle.

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I don’t fear this occurring, first because I strongly doubt that it actually will happen, and secondly because, truth be told, it wouldn’t at all be a bad way to go.

A trained assassin, after all, would best know how to get the job done. It would in all likelihood be a “clean” hit. An immediate pulse-ender.

Some new agey-types think that the human mind is powerful enough to manifest what it wants, that you can literally will a circumstance into existence if you practice “mindfulness.” If such practices can be successful for desirable outcomes— finding a spouse, gaining success in one’s chosen field, making a lot of money, obtaining spiritual enlightenment, etc.— then could it also conceivably bring about a less desirable outcome, such as one’s own assassination, if one finds oneself dwelling upon such a subject for whatever reason?

In fact, as I sit and write these words, I cannot help but wonder if I am only doing more to bring about this fearsome manifestation… (I wrote about that I did not fear this outcome, but I have to be honest; that was mere bravado.) If so, would I in some manner be culpable in bringing about the orchestrator of my own demise?

My assassin, I see you. I know you. I have known you for a long time. You are something like a brother to me. I have no brother, nor sister, but I have you.

If my life is in your hands, then so be it. I hope that you will spare me, at least for a time. Give me a chance, and I hope to prove myself worthy of continuing to walk the earth for years to come.

“If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come. The readiness is all.”

Andy Nowicki is the author of several books, most recently The Insurrectionist, Muze, and Love and Hidden Agendas, as well as the just-published The Rule of Wrath. Visit his YouTube channel.