How I got blacklisted from comedy

One offending sketch cost me my gig, but I'm NOT sorry

For roughly the past year, I have been doing open-mic night comedy at a particular local bar. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing—one night I even got verbally assaulted by a lunatic— but it has been fun.

It seems, however, that like all good (and bad) things, my fledgling comedy career has reached its end. I have been banished and blacklisted from Savannah’s “Totally Awesome Bar.” And I brought it all on myself.

I admit this freely, and what’s more, I have no regrets.

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Here is how it all went down: Earlier this week, I conceived of an idea for a comedy sketch. I thought it would be fun to mock the ridiculous contemporary propensity to avoid ever using a particular racial slur under any circumstances, to the point where we can’t even refer to it by name. Instead, we must call it “the n-word.”

What other slur, after all, gets treated with such unceasing deference? And does this word not, in fact, gain an ever more powerful juju precisely from the state of being so forbidden?

I am not saying, of course, that its usage of the slur ought to be encouraged, just that the word needs to be de-mystified. And honestly, is there not something so loathsomely limp-wristed and schoolmarmishly prissy about always traipsing about the word itself, even in a non-offensive context, such as making reference to the word, as opposed to hurling it as invective?

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I meditated a bit more on the subject matter, and I came to what I thought would be a funny sort of misdirection, whereby the word I was mentioning would turn out to be something other than the dreaded “n-word.” But then, I was seized with the necessity of ending on a double-twist, whereby the audience thought that its ears had been spared, only to encounter a shocking postscript, just before I signed off and left the stage.

Once this notion settled in my mind, I realized that it was the perfect way to end the routine. I also knew that I would catch flak for it, but felt honor-bound to see it through, regardless of the consequences. If I censored myself to avoid trouble, I was worthless as a performer. And from that point forward, I never looked back or reconsidered. The mission was clear, and no deviation could be tolerated.

Of course, I faced my upcoming self-immolation with some trepidation. Earlier in the day, I wondered what would happen, as I discuss in the video below. Would I be physically attacked? Would I get berated? Would I get banished?

Just before I was to take the stage, however, I felt at peace. The only stress I had was the usual: wanting to make sure that what I rehearsed to myself took proper form on stage, that I “hit all my marks,” as it were.

Below is an (audio only) recording of my routine. As usual, some of the crowd are chatty and inattentive. But note the icy silence which follows my closing delivery:

I left the stage, grabbed a drink of water, and watched as the visibly wincing MC of the show desperately tried to get things back on track after the unfortunate discomfort that I had created. A moment later, someone tiptoed up to me. It was a fellow comedian, someone else who had signed up for an open-mic night spot. He informed me that the “bartender” (I think he meant “bouncer”) had told him to tell me to leave.

I was astonished that this bouncer, whose job it was to be confrontational when necessity demanded, had sent some minion over to do his dirty work. I suspect he wanted to avoid me, and hoped I would simply exit without further trouble. I made sure, however, to talk to the bouncer directly. Here is a short video of our conversation:

As I returned to my car, I reflected upon the events of the evening, including the bouncer’s embarrassing avoidancy:

Perhaps I will have more to say on this incident at some point in the next few days. I just wanted to get all of these things down, while they are still fresh in my mind.

Farewell, “Totally Awesome Bar”! It was fun while it lasted

Andy Nowicki is the author of several books, most recently The Insurrectionist, and Muze, as well as the just-published The Rule of Wrath. Visit his YouTube channel.