A letter to today's unwanted men, part 3
What is to be done?
The crisis of "lonely loveless men" in the West has become a phenomenon that grows ever more difficult to ignore.
Some, rather than ignoring it, have opted to mock the victims for their lack of competence and appeal, as if these sad sacks' baleful circumstances were somehow their own fault.
Those who display such callous disregard for a struggling, frustrated, and perpetually shat-upon demographic seem mainly to be defensive feminists, who behave as if compassion and support were some kind of zero-sum game: the implication being that if lonely men are regarded in a sympathetic manner, then women will somehow resultantly be forced to forfeit any claim to empathy, affinity or kind regard.
It is not so, nor has it ever been so. In fact, when exposed to such appallingly cruel rhetoric, one can find oneself pining for a time when men and women could be relied upon to support one another, rather than each viewing the other as a hostile camp dedicated to orchestrating their own misery and spiritual desolation.
Yet acrimonious divisiveness has been one of the central fixtures of our age, and, given the teeth-bared malice towards common folk now regularly being displayed by those in ruling institutions. and the open contempt that the beings dwelling in high places seem to harbor towards those ostensibly in their charge, the animosity generated between the sexes, much like the anger that has been fomented between those of different races in recent years, seems largely to be an orchestrated phenomenon, one which, like the sexual revolution itself, seems geared towards the intentional fomentation of societal disharmony.
To be fair, however, there are now many "relationship coaches" and other cultural commentators who have responded to the plight of the "lonely loveless men" spoken of here. (I will desist from using the politically-freighted term "incel" here, since that term seems most often to bring more heat than light to the discussion.) Some of these coaches, influencers, and otherwise generally online personalities are clearly exploitative scam artists, while others seem quite sincere and eager to help the beleaguered "unwanted" men in question. However, hardly any of them seem to be aware of the full extent of the crisis; thus, few are really able to offer legitimate assistance.
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What today's unwanted men need to hear, more than anything else, is the truth.
They most emphatically don't need to be told to "step up their game," or to "put themselves out there more," to "try harder." Tryhardism is, in fact, a good way to insure that the unwanted man effectively humiliates himself. Employing tyrhardism puts one on a slippery slope towards making one into a nuisance at best, and a laughing stock at worst. It causes him to act the fool, which is not only a bad "look," it is worse in what it suggests about the man's character: namely, that he is willing to sacrifice his dignity and self-respect in a pitiful bid for social acceptance.
For in point of fact, making overtures to women-- whether these be done out of a desire to ignite a long-term romance hopefully culminating in marriage, or merely by a wish to have a bed partner for the night-- is fueled by more than one's mere physical drives.
The fact is that each of us, with very few exceptions, possess a built-in need for social affirmation. We dislike being "forever alone," not only because it tends to be lonely (naturally enough) but because it signifies to our psyche, rightly or wrongly, that we are of little worth. After all, if we were worthy, then we wouldn't be perpetually ignored, rejected, and marginalized, would we?
Loneliness, alienation, and a sense of having been generally "outcast from life's feast" all culminate in a conviction of one being a failure. This notion, however, powerful though it may be, is merely fed by instinct and emotion, not truth or fact.
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We may, of course, regard it as a misfortune that we were born into such a time as the present, where we who are said to be of low- to mid-status are generally ignored or even reviled by the opposite sex, as opposed to living in the (relatively recent) past, where (as I discussed in the prior segment of this series), female attention was not so habituated to a malignant hyper-hypergamy, as it so often is today.
For a myriad of reasons, largely not but exclusively due to the rise of social media and online dating apps, male loneliness has skyrocketed. Men who in previous ages would have found a prospective wife with relative ease, today find themselves treated as if they were furniture, or some other non-sentient object to be ignored, or at best, a utilitarian tool, in the manner that so-called "beta orbiters" are kept around by girls only to get juiced for affirmation, or perhaps cash, and most often both.
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But we cannot wish away our circumstances, and while wishful thinking and daydreaming are unavoidable, even healthy as coping mechanisms, the manful choice is to embrace a stoical perspective.
The stoical perspective is not pessimism, nor is it escapism. It does not equate to passivity, but rather to prudence. The stoical man accepts that he is likely to be alone for much, if not all of his life, but does not believe this dogmatically, nor does he utterly eschew the possibility that he could in fact "beat the odds" and find companionship. However, he accepts that such an occurrence would be unlikely, and that in any case, like many other circumstances, it is dependent upon events which are largely out of his control.
The stoic instead chooses to focus upon things that are within his control. For example, what are his talents? How can he best maximize those talents, in a manner that is likely to be both pleasant and profitable? Further, how might he best deploy his talents in a manner that has a positive effect upon the world he inhabits?
Even further: How, within his limited means, might he contribute to the utter destruction of the wicked, loathsome, despicable, and depraved system which currently predominates, to the great detriment of nearly everyone besides the exceptionally evil cadre of elites who currently rule without mandate or legitimacy?
(to be continued)
Read part 1 here
Read part 2 here
AUTHOR’S NOTE: If you find this subject to be of interest, you might enjoy my extended essays Ruminations of a Low-Status Male ,and A Final Solution to the Incel Problem.